by Rev. Doug Sasser
When I was three, my mother died in an automobile accident. My father was a college president at the time, and the chairman of his board of directors advised him to get remarried as soon as possible, maintaining that the college needed a first lady and I needed a mother. Within a year of my mother’s death, my father began courting a woman he would soon marry. This marriage was not harmonious and I recall frequently hearing them arguing with each other. After seven years, their marriage ended in divorce.
Although many factors led to divorce, my father’s decision to get remarried so soon after being widowed may not have been healthy for him and his family. He was given very bad advice from his board chair. Psychologists agree grief involves a long emotional process. We must be able to sit with our pain and allow ourselves to heal slowly over time. When we try to pretend our grieving is done by starting a new relationship, this typically leads to emotional turmoil later.
Once, when I lost a loved one, my friends at church said to me, “This is probably not painful for you because of your faith in God.” The opposite is true. God made us and understands what goes on inside of us when we grieve.
The Jews understood no one should have to grieve alone. Others from the community surrounded Mary as she grieved the death of her brother Lazarus. Our text describes how the comforters all accompanied Mary as she went outside of the house to greet Jesus. Some of those gathered noticed Jesus weeping and acknowledged how much he loved this family. Jesus cries with them just as those who surrounded Mary had.
Others expect Jesus to offer a quick fix by saying, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” Martha takes on an accusatory tone when she says to Jesus, “Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” We may ask ourselves why the Son of God stood around blubbering instead of raising Lazarus on the spot. Elsewhere in the scriptures, Jesus healed people without even being physically present.
I believe Jesus responded the way he did because he understood the grieving process. Lazarus is not resurrected in this passage; he is resuscitated. He will die again someday. His family shall grieve his loss for longer than three days. Jesus understood grief is painful and it takes time. Through the miracle of the incarnation, God became flesh in the form of Jesus Christ. Jesus took on humanity in all of its intricacies. He knew what it meant to feel pain, sorrow, and grief. Jesus is showing Lazarus’ family how to grieve.
During the season of Lent, this is especially evident to us. Through the scriptures, we make the trek down the mountain with Jesus and the three disciples on Transfiguration Sunday. Then we make the journey with Jesus and the disciples as they travel to Jerusalem. Along the way, we stop as Jesus cries over the city of Jerusalem. Tension builds as Jesus confronts his enemies after turning over the tables of the money changers in the Temple. A bittersweet mood hangs over Jesus and the disciples during the Last Supper. Jesus is deserted in the garden of Gethsemane when those who vowed to defend him to the death an hour earlier run under the cover of darkness. While on the cross Jesus expresses the ultimate feelings of rejection when he confesses feeling abandoned by God. Even after Jesus died on the cross the scripture describes how some disciples hide behind locked doors for fear of Jesus’ enemies. Other disciples expressed their bewilderment over the death of Jesus with a “stranger” they met on the road to Emmaus.
If we are too quick to rush past the sadness of Holy Week and jump to the empty tomb we are not being true to the witness of the scripture. Also, we are not being true to ourselves as humans. We cannot appreciate the joy and amazement of Easter morning if we have not experienced the events of Holy Week. Perhaps this is what Jesus was trying to teach Mary and Martha. Before new life can be celebrated, mourning must occur. Join those who surrounded Mary in this text. Allow yourself to grieve, feel pain and cry. When we allow ourselves space and time to feel pain, we can properly heal. Jesus Christ, who sits with us and cries with us, is also the one who will raise us to new life.